I really, really liked Learning to Breathe's liquid fast idea with the use of the Mr. Men characters, so I'm going to do something similar.
01. Little Miss Birthday (today is my sister's birthday) - NOTHING except for the birthday cake she'll have.
02. Little Miss All-Goes-Well - She's got red hair and glasses, so I'm thinking carrots and oranges.
03. Little Miss Bossy - blueberries and a wild berry smoothie (small).
04. Little Miss Brainy - almonds (brain food!) to snack on and then dinner.
05. Little Miss Busy - FAST (I'll be so busy with schoolwork).
06. Little Miss Busy-Body - bananas and a strawberry-banana smoothie (large if one banana, small if more).
07. Little Miss Calamity - Orange juice and dinner.
08. Little Miss Careful - wild berry smoothie (large)
09. Little Miss Bad - free day (800 limit)
10. Little Miss Brilliant - strawberries!
11. Little Miss Chatterbox - strawberry-like smoothie.
12. Little Miss Christmas - FAST with a present if I am successful.
13. Little Miss Contrary - oranges and other orange fruits
14. Little Miss Curious - free day (800 limit) (I'm curious to see how I'll do)
15. Little Miss Daredevil - try a new food! (600 limit)
16. Little Miss Dotty - kiwis and a green smoothie (small).
17. Little Miss Fickle - go through City Market and make a small meal.
18. Little Miss Fun - Clementines and dinner.
19. Little Miss Giggles - Find a food with a funny name!
20. Little Miss Greedy - FAST (punish greed)
21. Little Miss Helpful - You all decide? (if not, my favorite kind of smoothie)
22. Little Miss Late - Nothing but dinner
23. Little Miss Loud - Cherries! Strawberries! Apples! Red things!
24. Little Miss Lucky - grapes and Rainer cherries
25. Little Miss Magic - Magic Stars soup (1 serve)
26. Little Miss Naughty - big, black grapes and dinner
27. Little Miss Neat - a perfectly portioned meal in my bento box of a salad and green grapes.
28. Little Miss Scary - FAST
29. Little Miss Scatterbrain - C-Boost smoothie
30. Little Miss Shy - blueberries
31. Little Miss Tiny - nothing, because I will be tiny.
There it is... An entire month. And despite my past failures I will make it a reality.
My Journey
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Anyone Who Keeps the Ability to See Beauty Never Grows Old - Franz Kafka
I love that quote. I mean, I know it has a more metaphorical meaning, but I like to look at it like as long as I see somebody beautiful, thin, and childlike in the mirror, I'll never have to come to terms with growing up. As long as I look like Peter Pan I'll never have to become Wendy. Wendy scares me. Wendy becomes a woman.
Last night I decided to drink the last of the laxative tea so I could get an accurate weight this morning, and so far it's done nothing but cramp my stomach this morning. It's kind of ridiculous. It should have worked by now. I need to buy more today... This week is a fruit for breakfast, fruit for lunch, minimal dinner week! I'm excited. I bought some kiwis last night, and we've got apples and bananas. There are these smoothies I will buy and drink throughout the day every day. They're Hella expensive, but hey, they're better than getting fat from PB&J. They've got, like, 8 servings of fruit per bottle, and the bottles are huge, so it'd be like drinking all of my daily calories. I've got no qualms with that (as long as they taste good). For today's lunch I packed the kiwi, 1/2 of a banana, and some corn, but I'm throwing out the corn when I get to school, because I found out that the body doesn't like corn all that much... My mother said it's an allergen. I'll have to do some more research, but it can piss your body off and make you gain weight, I guess.
I hope you all have wonderful days. It looks like all of us are right back on track, and you guys are being such sweethearts. TTFN!
Last night I decided to drink the last of the laxative tea so I could get an accurate weight this morning, and so far it's done nothing but cramp my stomach this morning. It's kind of ridiculous. It should have worked by now. I need to buy more today... This week is a fruit for breakfast, fruit for lunch, minimal dinner week! I'm excited. I bought some kiwis last night, and we've got apples and bananas. There are these smoothies I will buy and drink throughout the day every day. They're Hella expensive, but hey, they're better than getting fat from PB&J. They've got, like, 8 servings of fruit per bottle, and the bottles are huge, so it'd be like drinking all of my daily calories. I've got no qualms with that (as long as they taste good). For today's lunch I packed the kiwi, 1/2 of a banana, and some corn, but I'm throwing out the corn when I get to school, because I found out that the body doesn't like corn all that much... My mother said it's an allergen. I'll have to do some more research, but it can piss your body off and make you gain weight, I guess.
I hope you all have wonderful days. It looks like all of us are right back on track, and you guys are being such sweethearts. TTFN!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Disabling Abilify
Ughhhh... I've never experienced side-effects from medication before, but now I'm having them hardcore. My nose is stuffed and runny (at the same freaking time!), my throat hurts, and no matter how much water I drink I'm achy. These are all side-effects of Abilify. No fun. I don't want to be perpetually sick like this. It's been about a week. Too bad it isn't the stomach flu. I always lose weight when I have the stomach flu. Speaking of weight loss, I have a little "ticker" at the top of my blog now. It's a city, because a city represents my ultimate goal (to get out of the small town), and a rabbit, because the rabbit symbolized me. People call me rabbit sometimes. I've never known why. Kinda cool, rabbits are cute.
The skies are perfect for a walk... Why is it that you want something so much more when you can't have it? I hate not being able to go for 12 mile-long walks anymore. Remember when I used to do them? How happy they made me? How much weight I lost? I need that back... I haven't been keeping up with my journal... It makes me feel bad, but it's okay. I'll get back on track, journal-wise.
New My Chemical Romance album on the 28th!!! It doesn't look too awesome, but I'll buy it, anyway. Ooooh! Actually, I've just decided, right now, that I'm not allowed to buy it until I weigh 119 pounds. That's the plan. No more that that. Less if possible. Less would be preferred, Universe. Also, my 16th birthday is coming up. My mother and I are planning a scavenger hunt downtown, ending with a masquerade ball at my step-father's office. It's in November, but it'll take a lot of planning. A lot. Which is funny, because my mom suggested it, knowing full well that she seldom follows through with the things she says she'll do. Like getting me somebody to talk to. And countless Halloween costumes (I went as the same thing for 5 years, because we didn't get our act together). And diets, and meal-planning, and doctors' appointment... the list goes on. But bottom line, there's a lot of talk and not much action. I'll keep my faith in her, but I'll be prepared to be disappointed.
The skies are perfect for a walk... Why is it that you want something so much more when you can't have it? I hate not being able to go for 12 mile-long walks anymore. Remember when I used to do them? How happy they made me? How much weight I lost? I need that back... I haven't been keeping up with my journal... It makes me feel bad, but it's okay. I'll get back on track, journal-wise.
New My Chemical Romance album on the 28th!!! It doesn't look too awesome, but I'll buy it, anyway. Ooooh! Actually, I've just decided, right now, that I'm not allowed to buy it until I weigh 119 pounds. That's the plan. No more that that. Less if possible. Less would be preferred, Universe. Also, my 16th birthday is coming up. My mother and I are planning a scavenger hunt downtown, ending with a masquerade ball at my step-father's office. It's in November, but it'll take a lot of planning. A lot. Which is funny, because my mom suggested it, knowing full well that she seldom follows through with the things she says she'll do. Like getting me somebody to talk to. And countless Halloween costumes (I went as the same thing for 5 years, because we didn't get our act together). And diets, and meal-planning, and doctors' appointment... the list goes on. But bottom line, there's a lot of talk and not much action. I'll keep my faith in her, but I'll be prepared to be disappointed.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Amaaaaaaazing!!!
I feel so great today! I cut up 1 apple into 4ths, ate one this morning for breakfast, then ate a rice cake. It feels amazing, but I wish I could just go on a walk. I asked yesterday, but my mother said no, because she's worried about me and my mental state. She has no reason to be anymore, she just needs to let me work out again. I need to work out again!!! I've been doing little things, like 5 minutes on the bike here, jumping jacks there, and today I did one of those Seventeen Magazine workouts. It was fun and easy, though the cardio was a little tough. That's why I need to get to walking and jogging again, so I can do more intense workouts.
B - apple - 16.25
- rice cake - 70
I'm back on track, my lovelies. And feeling ultra-creative. When I get in these creative moods, I often stop eating as much. Oh! And I didn't take my meds last night, so I don't have those insane food cravings. I need more water, though. My lips are parched (tssp, tssp, tssp)!
I read the first book of My Name Is Asher Lev. It's got a lot of Jewish philosophy in it, and I'm really enjoying it. I like how they believe that if you kill one person on Earth, you kill everyone, and conversely if you help one person, you help the whole world. Isn't that beautiful.
I want to be a librarian so freaking bad... Last Thursday when I went to my therapist (I call him Gustav) I started crying, because I was talking about running my hands over books. Running my hands over all of that knowledge. It was just so beautiful to think about all of it. It became overwhelming. Did you know that was my dream? To be a real-life swanky librarian? Bet not... I want to be an international librarian, completely jet-set, fashionable, stick thin. Cardigan sweaters and Gucci pumps. It keeps me alive sometimes, just thinking about the future I want so badly. I'll make it, I swear.
B - apple - 16.25
- rice cake - 70
I'm back on track, my lovelies. And feeling ultra-creative. When I get in these creative moods, I often stop eating as much. Oh! And I didn't take my meds last night, so I don't have those insane food cravings. I need more water, though. My lips are parched (tssp, tssp, tssp)!
I read the first book of My Name Is Asher Lev. It's got a lot of Jewish philosophy in it, and I'm really enjoying it. I like how they believe that if you kill one person on Earth, you kill everyone, and conversely if you help one person, you help the whole world. Isn't that beautiful.
I want to be a librarian so freaking bad... Last Thursday when I went to my therapist (I call him Gustav) I started crying, because I was talking about running my hands over books. Running my hands over all of that knowledge. It was just so beautiful to think about all of it. It became overwhelming. Did you know that was my dream? To be a real-life swanky librarian? Bet not... I want to be an international librarian, completely jet-set, fashionable, stick thin. Cardigan sweaters and Gucci pumps. It keeps me alive sometimes, just thinking about the future I want so badly. I'll make it, I swear.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Sadness
Wow. I lost a follower. I'm positive it was after the purgind incident. That's fine... I don't whore for followers. That'd be stupid. She was just such good support. Oh, well... I'll continue to wish her best wishes on her journey.
Messy
Tests, tests, tests. Right out of the hospital I have a ton of tests. And I got sick. They think it might be strep throat, but it also could just be a viral infection, in which case, there's nothing they can give me to make it go away. And I feel like crap, but I have to go to school today. It's not even an option to stay home, because of how much work I have to do. I have a ton of notes to make up in Humanities, and the only person I know in that class (who isn't Joey, because he's an emotional fuckwit) won't give me her notes. So I don't know what I'm going to do! And I've got two tests in that class. Then, in Music Theory I'm so entirely behind it's not even funny. I failed a make-up exam yesterday. I know I did. I didn't answer half the questions. And there's this perfect male specimin in that class who's entirely talented in music, so I really, really want to impress him with being good at music, too, but I'm not as good as he is, and I'm not good in that class. Ugh... Then, in Honor's Comp Lit, I've had to read a third of My Name is Asher Lev (I had to read it instead because Cather in the Rye was too sad) by the end of the week. I told her I was ready for the test today, and I've still got 40 pages to read... Oh, well. I'll get it done. And then, I've got the vocabulary test from Hell that I was supposed to take yesterday, but I went home because of how miserable I was feeling. We have these things called Difinitive Sentences, where we have to write a sentence that defines the vocab word without using the deffinition and no other word can take its place. We have to memorize the deffinitions, and then we have to memorize our sentences. She chooses 3 words at random from the list of 10 and we test over those. I have about, oh, I don't know, 4 SENTENCES DONE!!!! No good. Not good enough.
On a lighter note, I feel like I'm more on track. I'm going to start taking those green tea pills again. My mom threw away the extra omeprazole, so I'll have to buy the generic Prilosec, I guess. that's fine by me. Anything to get skinny. I've been doing my best to squash the appetite increas that the Abilify makes me have, and I'm doing better than I have been. The calories keep dropping, day by day, slowly but surely. Soon I'll be able to fast successfully again. And, last night, I was able to work out for a full 15 minutes, which is more than I've done in a while. I'm going to continue that, and eventually do another 15 minutes in the morning. I wanna be fit! And then some... The thinspo I printed out in in my locker now. It excites me to put away mu lunch, half-eaten, because I see so many girls on the orange metal who do the same thing.
That's all. Things aren't very interesting. I'm just looking forward to October. I want to be Twiggy or Edie Sedgwick for Halloween. You know what, Maria? Both of those require being ultra-skinny. At least a decent size 3. I can do it. I have to do it.
On a lighter note, I feel like I'm more on track. I'm going to start taking those green tea pills again. My mom threw away the extra omeprazole, so I'll have to buy the generic Prilosec, I guess. that's fine by me. Anything to get skinny. I've been doing my best to squash the appetite increas that the Abilify makes me have, and I'm doing better than I have been. The calories keep dropping, day by day, slowly but surely. Soon I'll be able to fast successfully again. And, last night, I was able to work out for a full 15 minutes, which is more than I've done in a while. I'm going to continue that, and eventually do another 15 minutes in the morning. I wanna be fit! And then some... The thinspo I printed out in in my locker now. It excites me to put away mu lunch, half-eaten, because I see so many girls on the orange metal who do the same thing.
That's all. Things aren't very interesting. I'm just looking forward to October. I want to be Twiggy or Edie Sedgwick for Halloween. You know what, Maria? Both of those require being ultra-skinny. At least a decent size 3. I can do it. I have to do it.
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