Longtemps

It's been forever since I last posted. Lola, I promise to be a better blogger for you, as for the rest of you readers. It's just that I've been trying to split my time between recovering from being sick and schoolwork. I always pick schoolwork over resting, because I get overwhelmed if I don't.

There's this great local band that you all need to check out (local from where I live). They're called The Summer Soundtrack. They're trying to go on tour of the East Coast of the States, but need more money. They've been out on the sidewalks panhandling and stuff. I saw them yesterday near a Walmart and gave them two bucks. We chatted a little bit, too. Really sweet guys. Check them out!

In response to Keira's comment, I am 5'4". And Lola, you are such a freaking sweetheart!

I'm slowly falling into obscurity the more that I decide to eat. I want to be like the rest of you girls again. I want to be 113 pounds again. I'm officially back where I started. At 128.5 pounds. How disgusting is that?

Research Paper

The Ancient Romans can go fuck themselves. I've almost finished my research paper, and am pretty damn proud of myself. Since I'm done with all the piled-up homework now, I have no excuse to snack. So, today is (yet another) new beginning. There will be less stress, I'll be less miserable, I'll shower more. Yes. I will shower more. That's a sign that things are good in my life.

Je ne mange pas...

I should be writing that research paper, but I'm not. I got an extension until Monday before school! Yay. I've realized that restricting intake to acertain number of calories each day hasn't been working. Therefore, I need a new strategy. That new strategy? Treating eating like a thing of mechanics and not one of enjoyment and pleasure. Food and I will be like a couple who only has sex to yield a baby. I will only eat to yield life. I was reading back in my blog about August. August was my best month! I was 113 pounds. Now I'm 124 pounds and gaining. We can learn a lot from our past. What I've learned is that I can't eat for reasons other than a need for fuel. From now on, I don't eat. I eat what little I can of dinner and then something little when I feel I will collapse. This is not a fast, this is a lifestyle. A lifestyle I can manage. I've done it before, I can do it again!

Life sucks right now. I've got the stupid research paper looming over my head, I'm sick with the worst headcold I've ever had, my period's on its merry ol' way, and I've got a cold sore. It's disgusting. The people at school already make fun of me. Now they'll think I've got herpes. Wonderful. Tag! You're it! Time for your Months of Misery!

10 pages

Hey, guys. I've got a 10-page research paper to write by tomorrow that I haven't even started, so I'll take the opportunity to blog and read your blogs and comment when I'm finished. I'm completely fucked, but whatever. I will just see how much I can get done. Much love!

Thirsty

I'm very, very thirsty. But too lazy to get a glass of water. So I drink Diet Coke. My weight hasn't dropped. I'm pissed. But I'm also about to have my period, so I can't wait for what the scale will say afterwords.

Something To Snack On...

B - Frosted Flakes - 130
- milk 55
- 2 chicken wings - 145

With diet Coke for lunch, NO snacking after school, and minimal dinner, I can totally keep today under 800. I'm going 800 for the entire week. Sounds good? yes. sounds good.

I've reconnected with the first boyfriend I ever had. We'll call him C. C and I were so in love, and he moved away. We had a nice long-distance thing going for a while, and then he ruined it by kissing and cyber-fucking the girl who molested me. Ruined everything. We had plans for the future (plans I still wish existed), and he threw them all away. I may rant about this later, but I kind of want him back. I know it's long distance still, but we're almost done with high school. Who knows? Maybe he'll remember why he loved me. Maybe he'll start to love me again. I don't know... until then, I'm going to just keep talking to him, making sure he knows I'm still alive.

Love always,