Iffy.

Yesterday was a little off. I had my ex boyfriend over. We watched zombie movies, snuggling on the couch together. He's kind of like my best friend right now... but we pushed a lot of previously-set boundaries during our time together. The hickey on the front of my neck (yeah. the front. good luck hiding this one...) is kind of shaped like a fish, oddly enough. Maybe he has fish lips? Perhaps.
I'm going out to lunch with my grandmother in an hour. I'm trying to decide what I want to get ahead of time before I'm tempted by things I know I shouldn't eat. I don't need that overwhelming guilt, because I've got two plays today. And because I cut last night over a broken friendship... She's my best friend on the planet, and she's been treating me very poorly lately. It hasn't been fair at all... I give her everything she wants, and I don't get anything from her in return. I laugh, cry, play, run, skip, everything with her, and the only thing she can do for me is take, take, take and expect to not have to give anything back. We got into a huge fight, because I finally asserted myself. i don't assert myself. ever. i'm too shy. It's been frustrating, because this is the time that I really need her. I had a miscarriage two nights ago... It seriously freaked me out, because I had a feeling that I was pregnant, but all 7 tests I took told me that I was just convincing myself that I was pregnant. Because of that, I reclaimed my virginity. Sex is too big of a responsibility for me. I think it'll be like that for a while.
I've not weighed myself. I think that if I did, I wouldn't be able to take the dissappointment. It'd be too overwhelming if I had gained weight at this point. Today is a day to drink that tea of mine. Apparently it is a laxative tea... Hence the slimming effects it supposedly has. Maybe that'll give me some flexibility with lunch today. If I can eat what I want (within reason) and drink my tea, I'll be okay. We will see. I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning.