I should be writing that research paper, but I'm not. I got an extension until Monday before school! Yay. I've realized that restricting intake to acertain number of calories each day hasn't been working. Therefore, I need a new strategy. That new strategy? Treating eating like a thing of mechanics and not one of enjoyment and pleasure. Food and I will be like a couple who only has sex to yield a baby. I will only eat to yield life. I was reading back in my blog about August. August was my best month! I was 113 pounds. Now I'm 124 pounds and gaining. We can learn a lot from our past. What I've learned is that I can't eat for reasons other than a need for fuel. From now on, I don't eat. I eat what little I can of dinner and then something little when I feel I will collapse. This is not a fast, this is a lifestyle. A lifestyle I can manage. I've done it before, I can do it again!
Life sucks right now. I've got the stupid research paper looming over my head, I'm sick with the worst headcold I've ever had, my period's on its merry ol' way, and I've got a cold sore. It's disgusting. The people at school already make fun of me. Now they'll think I've got herpes. Wonderful. Tag! You're it! Time for your Months of Misery!
hope you feel better soon
ReplyDeleteLook up at the stars and imagine them sparkle, that makes me feel better. You can do this again, of course, it might spring from no where and suddenly you are back and you won't remember being in this place at all. I love you, I want you to be happy and smiling because you mean it and not because you think you should be smiling xxx
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