Outer Banks - Day 2 July 18

B - 1/2 bagel - 135
1/2 peanut butter - 128
1 apple - 72
L - 1/2 Berry Almond salad - 165
1 chicken nugget (Wendy's) - 46
7 saltine crackers - 87.5
D - baked Doritos - 90
taco meat - 140
cheese - 40
coffee - 74
10 celery sticks - 15
TOTAL - 992.5

Fuck... Not much else to say about today. I don't even have the caloric values for the food I ate and I already know it's too much. How am I ever going to get skinny at this rate? The answer is that I'm not. My formerly anorexic cousin, Brianne, just told me that it's 11:11 and time to make a wish. My wish? To be able to eat less than 700 calories tomorrow and for my running shoes to magically appear in my duffel bag, because they were totally stolen from my gym locker and I miss them. I feel like such a fat cow. My dad and I were talking about working out and stuff and I mentioned that I had lost a ton of weight, and he gave me a look that suggested I still look like the same fatty I was when he saw me around Christmas. And I thought I was looking smaller! Shit.

We finally made it to our beach house in the Outer Banks. We spent the night in Charleston, West Virginia and drove here all day. We left at around 7 in the morning and drove until 6 this evening. It was brutal, to say the least. To top off the misery, my dad and I had to ride in the car with my psycho aunt and her adopted daughter, Paige, who is three. Paige is fine, it's aunt Cindy who's worthy of going to jail for homicide over. I don't want to talk about why, though. There's too much to write down. Let's just say that I've been ignoring her phone calls and "forgetting" to call her back when she leaves messages since I was 13. Hate the fucking cunt slut bitch annoying fucker whore bag (sorry, excessive sweary-words). But really, by the end of this trip I probably will have contemplated murder fifteen billion times. Is murder justifiable in the United States if your sanity is at stake? Fortunately for me, if I had the judge meet here before I killed her, she'd understand, probably help me and make it look like an accident. There ARE sharks in this ocean...

Enough of my sociopathic tendencies for one night. Bottom line is if I give in to family pressure (of the food-related persuasion), I'm going to end up even fatter than how I came. And if that's the case, major purging would be in order.I wish I had help from you girls this week... I'm really scared, and there's little I can do about my eating. I almost entirely can't skip any meals, and I forgot my laxative tea at home. Dammit!