Outer Banks - Day 3 July 19

B - 5 blueberries - 3.9
3 celery sticks - 4.5
2-egg omelet - 310
coffee - 4

Surprisingly I've found time to write in the morning, unlike yesterday when my family was hovering over me until about midnight. Nobody can see my writings, or my calorie-counting. If they do, I'm dead, and my mom will be under attack from my dad. It'd get really messy. Even more reason to keep a low-profile this week. My cousin used to be anorexic, so her parents and my other cousins know all the warning signs. This could be tempting fate...

I went for a nice walk with my dad this morning, despite all the heat and humidity. I can't even describe how sad I'll be if I've gained weight at the end of this week. I'll probably cry. See, the problem is I don't want to eat at all, but being with family means 3 square meals every day. I try to make them work for me, but it's hard not to seem strange. This morning I asked my dad to use as minimal amount of butter as possible in my omelet. He went out and bought cooking spray instead.Great for me, bad for keeping a low-profile. Maybe today can help make me lovely instead of putting me deeper into the ugly hole.

L - English muffin - 100
butter spread - 25
jam - 20

I've estimated that I've eaten about half of my allotted calories for the day (about 470) and have concluded that the rest of them must be consumed only at dinnertime. I'm glad I came down to check the calories per on the powdered gem doughnuts they've kept on the kitchen counter on my phone's calculator, because consuming even one today would have put me in the position to eat over my limit come dinner. We're having pasta. Luckily I know that the type of pasta we're having has about 230 calories per one 3/4 cup serving, and I've given myself some wiggle room for my dad's pasta sauce. Generally, I think that wiggle room should never be considered, because I believe in staying as far below my limits as possible. But given the current familiar climate I am left with little choice but to scrimp a little portion here and there, decline the little snacks and chips every so often, and distract my family from my eating entirely. I'm really scared of raising suspicions. If that happens, it's all over. I hate not being able to skip any meals... I'd much rather go to bed and sleep off the hunger pangs than to go to be with a full, fattening stomach filled with food.