Outer Banks - Day 4 July 20

Yesterday? Complete fucking failure. I refuse to go into detail, because after rehashing my food relapse I'd probably find the nearest gun and proceed to kill myself. Today will be better. Know why? Because I'm not going to eat breakfast, which means I'm not going to eat lunch, which means dinner tonight had better have some salad because self-control will be out of the question come nightfall. I hate being such a gluttonous queen, because all before me have ended up fat and alone. I can't have that. I won't have that.

Ugh... I know about when and under what conditions my binge started. It was after the English muffing and began with a powdered gem doughnut. Fuck those bastard doughnuts. Why does my grandfather have to be so God damned disgusting? He's so gross. He's dying because he refused to give up hiss pride and treat his diabetes. Now we all have to suffer his disgustingness. I can't stand him being awake. The word "please" doesn't exist in his vocabulary, nor does "thank you", "excuse me", or "I'm sorry." I wish you all were here so you could witness how truly awful this fucking family is so I didn't have to explain them. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate old people? I really do. When I turn 60, I hope I just keep over, because 60 is when people get old, 70 is when people get crazy, and 80 is when people get worthless. I'm sorry. That was rude. I'm just really frustrated and my polite filter is gone. So fucking tired of being polite to people who don't deserve it.

B - Cheerios - 100
milk - 45

L - English muffin - 100
peanut butter - 40
jam - 20

D - 4 cheese slices - 40
1 grape - 2
1 M&M - 4
1 glass of chocolate milk - 160
1 grilled cheese - 220
potatoes - 144
salad - 15
1 celery stalk - 4.5

*evening*
Altogether not such a bad day. I'm not going to count the Ben and Jerry's binge I had, because it was less than my average and I got rid of the calories one way or another. We just got back from the local theater's showing of Inception. Weird shit, no? I won't post spoilers, or anything, but I will say that Ellen Page was some serious thinspo. I'm gonna run tomorrow morning in my Converse since my running shoes were stolen, and only my foot blisters will slow me down. Or perhaps how ridiculously out of shape I am... We shall see tomorrow morning. Bon chance!