Yay!!!

Even with my cookie binge this morning (I had 5... ugh...) I managed to step on the scale at a nice, friendly 116. I'm on my way, but I need to be working out much more. I don't want to have to weigh less than 110 to look the way I want, but if it comes to that... I guess I'll have to. I'm starting to worry about doctor's visits. I mean, they weigh me every time I'm in there, and the last time I was there I was at the beginning of my weight loss. Still a fat, disgusting 128.5. They'll think something's up if I walk in there and step on the scale, seeing it read 110. Or even 116... With my new medication, I was supposed to GAIN weight, not lose it. Heh, luckily I haven't been taking it.

I sneaked out to see a boy last night. I'd never done that before. It was really stressful, but it was so much fun! We stayed out until about 1:30 this morning. The best part? Completely Scot-free. I won't tell you all the details, but I will say that I feel really guilty about some of the things that happened, since I had fooled around with my ex yesterday, too... I'm not a whore, or a slut, or anything like that. I just gave in to temptation, and feel really awful about it. I want to cry... I think I'll just keep restricting until eventually I forget about it all entirely. Thinspo. Count those calories. Write in your journal. Anything to stop thinking about how horrible I am for flinging my body around like that.