Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck-fuck-fuck

Uhm, I don't even know what to say for myself anymore. Hunger? Fuck hunger! Yet I still eat! I can't wait for school to start, because then I will study my ass off, get A's in every class, and NOT eat. I'll walk every day at lunch, I'll isolate myself if I have to, just please, please, please don't make me get fat. I've had 2 (smallish) bowls of cereal already today. I'm under my 500-calorie limit, but even then... Just barely... I need something to do. I'm just so fucking bored. I just need something to do. Some place to go. I just need to go to some shows. Jump around so much people think I'm on Ecstasy (that happened last time... I was embarrassed, but also too endorphin-high to care). I want to run, and run, and never stop running. My running's getting better. I can run longer. Faster. I will run myself thin. Just watch me waste away before your eyes. Sometimes I sit in bed all day, and picture myself shrinking as I sit there. No food, no sleep, just atrophy. I need to waste away. Today I get to walk all day. I'm excited. But also a failure. A big, FAT, fucking failure. Nobody's going to want me. Nobody will want me until my hair is long again, and my legs are sticks, and my arms are scarves in the wind.