Sleepless

Last night I didn't take my medicine. I was to paranoid to move from my place on the couch downstairs. And when I finally got off the couch to go to my room, I ran, and ran, and ran as fast as I could. When I got in bed, I couldn't sleep. I just sat there, still petrified by nothing. It comes with the Bipolar Disorder. The paranoia. The delusions. And I tried to go upstairs to get my computer, but the ceiling fans were going so fast I was certain they were going to fall on me. I couldn't move. So I ran back to my room and tried to sleep again to no avail. I calmed down eventually by drawing and came back upstairs to get some water, and took my pills, but I still can't sleep. It's too late for sleeping now. I guess I'll have to just do the day and crash hard tonight. 300 calories. No binging, or eating out of boredom. I'm going to stay busy today. I have to, or I'm afraid I'll gain back the last two pounds I lost.

I don't want to die of this... It's not what I want. Yesterday was one of the worst days of my mental and emotional illnesses that I've had in a very long time. It's the medicine I'm taking. My doctor upped the dosage. It's really messing me up. It knocked me out to sleep the first time I took it, but since then it's just been making me feel the symptoms of what's wrong with me. Derric got his phone shut off because they can't afford the bill. Annamay's at Warped Tour (as if she ever hangs out with me, anyway). All the rest are ignoring me or working and ignoring me. What's a girl to do? Become skinnier than all of them so they're all green with envy.