Honorable Discharge

I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt on the 2nd of September. The hospital was amazing, though. Minus the food. Which tasted amazing. I've gained 6 fucking pounds. I started the process at 116.6, ended at 122.5. I hate my body right now. C'est grotesque. Oh, well. I'm back on the wagon now. 1 rice cake = 70 calories. Peanut butter = 125 calories. Jam = 25. I was in the hospital for 3 days. Breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, occasional snack. Too much good food. Not fair for little Maria. I was there on an M-1, which means a mandatory 72-hour hold. I didn't get to wear my own clothes after the first 24 hours like they said. The scrubs were like pajamas and made me feel incredibly lazy and fat. But guess what? They had to give me youth large pants and an adult small top. I can't say I wasn't disappointed that they weren't youth medium pants, though... After the three days, I was transferred to a different facility. It's called an Alternative Treatment Unit. I hated it there. After three days of eating, being called manipulative because I'm smart, and having to listen to a girl lie about having schizophrenia, I wanted the Hell out of there.During my family meeting, I yelled screamed, kicked, and scratched. My face was all scratched up and bleeding. Nobody did anything, and I had to stay there, no matter how much I hated it. So, I succumbed and did the work. I got out. There was this amazing woman named Chanelle, and she's probably my role model right now. We have the same quirky tastes in music, movies,the whole nine yards.I want to get my hair cut like her... And yeah, she's a little chubby at 136 pounds (we played Wii Fit), but that's okay. For her. I want to one-up her and be amazing AND stick thin. I will have success.. I was discharged yesterday afternoon. I'm going to skirt around my parents as much as possible, since they're watching me like a hawk. I was lucky that they let me sleep in my own bed, alone, last night.

I haven't had time to read all of your blogs, but I am so incredibly sorry for disappearing like that! I won't. Ever again. I will remain there for support if you all do the same for me. I love you all. Thank you so much for your kind comments. Huggles and kissies.