First Sunshine

Today is the first day of September, and I'm so excited. Know why? Because at the end of September I will be 110 pounds. No "or less" at this point. I can't focus on that right now. Right now what I need to focus on is counting every single morsel that enters my mouth right after it enters, and read away the hunger pangs. You ladies are excellent for that due to your blogging prowess. Prowess = 10 cent word.

My vocabulary really is better that what you guys know it to be. I am cognisant of many words. Unfortunately, the internet has never been a forum for me to speak as I normally do. Merely it stands for my real thoughts. Things that I can't express elsewhere. I can speak eloquently, but never about things that matter. I can write 100 words per minute without thinking about how it sounds, but always about things that I really feel deeply for. It makes me sad to think of that, but this month is not a sad month. It's an amazing month. My eating will be limited. My drinking will be excessive. My smoking will happen once and it's already been planned. I will be beautiful. I will fill my mouth with metaphorical cinnamon and let it sprinkle down on all that I do and make it turn to gold.

Yesterday we had auditions for our fall play, Enter Laughing. My audition wasn't horrible! I'm happy to say that I didn't do quite as poorly as others. But... pickings are slim. There are only about 4 female roles, and I'm fairly certain our director doesn't plan on casting girls as men. Which would be fine with me. I'm our school's resident cross-dresser when it comes to the theater... I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually gotten to be a girl on stage. Ahh, well. Peter Pan's our musical. Maybe I'm up for Peter ;)

My period started yesterday. I've never had worse cramps in my entire life. I want to scream half the time, and they just make the hunger pangs worse. No fun. And I'm bloated. I've got a psych appointment tomorrow to get my medication sorted out. I want to get off this stuff and on something else. This stuff makes you gain weight and heightens your appetite. Sometimes I don't take it because of how much that scares me. But anyway, I've got that appointment, and they weigh me. I'm going to eat breakfast and drink as much water as I possibly can so I'll weigh in at over 120 pounds. Good thing they don't make you look at the number. Then we'd have a separate mental issue on our hands.