Why???

I can't even believe myself right now... I had such a good day of working out and not eating anything because I was out of school, until about 2 o'clock when everything went horribly wrong. Ugh... I'm not even going to post my dailys because of how embarrassed I am. I just tried to purge, but only a little would come up. I'm feeling so fat right now. Every bite that goes into my mouth is visibly being added to my waist and thighs. I swear I can see every ounce materializing. Looking at myself is a challenge. All of the exercise I've been doing has me a little concerned that I'll be adding a lot of muscle... I don't want to be muscular and fit, I want to be stick thin! I want to be fragile and breakable! I want to look like I'd snap if I were handled roughly! This seriously blows...
I've made myself a little red braided bracelet to remind myself that I don't have to continue to be ugly. If I follow my goals of restriction and fasting, I'll be lovely. And if not, I'll stay fat and sturdy. I need to kick my eating habit into control, and fast. I can't continue to hate myself for my weight. I. Will. Be. Skinny! Tomorrow's another day, the goal is still under 800. I'm going to do it. I am. And, with God as my witness, I promise myself that I won't fail.