I'm so upset right now... I've gained 2 1/2 REAL pounds. No, it isn't just water weight, it's REAL weight. It's making me super depressed. And last night I actually ate and enjoyed dinner, making my situation even worse. This is misery. I can't believe I let myself lose this much control. Yesterday I tried getting back on track from my vacationing disaster, and what did I do? I ate half an apple, 6 Animal Crackers, and two entire slices of cheese pizza! That's fucking disgusting... Today's breakfast will consist of 1/4 of an apple, 3 Animal Crackers, and a huge cup of plain, black coffee. No sugar or cream added. Strict is my diet. I must not want.
I've been listening to a lot of Jawbreaker recently. They very well might be my favorite band on the planet. "I don't scratch so I won't itch/I don't reach so I won't miss." Probably the words that describe why I lost control of myself all those years ago. I stopped caring about myself, and what people thought of me. And then, something funny happened: people stopped thinking about me entirely. I couldn't stand it. It made me an attention whore. Now, I'm not an attention whore, just terrified of being forgotten. Does anybody else feel this? It's my greatest fear in life. My second greatest fear in life is getting old, and wrinkly, and unable to wear skinny jeans. That terrifies me as well.
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