Ending Remarks. As If.

L - Enchilada - 251

D - Mouse - 151
Grilled Cheese - 282
Fruit Punch - 52

TOTAL - 736

Today was pretty much excellent. Everything went smoothly, for the most part. The pill I took seemed to help a lot, so it's going to become a staple. I've already been planning meals ahead of time for the lower-calorie days of this month. Sometimes it's easier to eat more or nothing at all then to eat a small little bit and say, "quit".

I broke a rule today. I ate bread. And it was in the car. What was I doing in the car? Going to my new therapist for an awkward first appointment. He was really cool, though, despite his crotchety first impression. He made the kind of dry jokes that make me laugh, was smart with word play, didn't undermine my intelligence, or write me off as a normal teenage girl like my last therapist did. He asked me questions about eating disorders, though, or compulsive habits. I lied. I lied my face off. Why the Hell would I tell somebody who'd make me stop after all of this progress I'm making? I'm in the prime. The total prime. Things can't get bad at this point. I won't let them.

My mom took me to my appointment, and then we went and got our nails done. I picked out a pretty green color from OPI called Honey Dew This, and realized after she put it on my nails that it matched my peridot necklace! Perfect for August, no? Yes. I didn't get my toes done, too, but that's only because there was this one night when Joey sneaked out with me and I fell off of a concrete porch. I was so dizzy from restricting that day, so I just kinda fell over. It scuffed some patches of skin off of the top of my feet (ew) and I didn't want them exfoliating off my scabs (also ew).

Sculpture: the art of taking away the excess until only the masterpiece remains.

I like that.

I'll keep that with me. I am a sculpture. The food I eat (and don't eat) is the sculptor, and if the sculptor does the right things, I will be a masterpiece.

I kind-of-sort-of broke another rule today, and stepped on the scale. But I didn't really break the rule, because I didn't wait until I was empty and naked, so I can't count it as a legit weigh-in. I guess it was just... a check-in? I don't know... Maybe it was just reassurance that I wasn't 130 pounds. I want to be tiny by the end of this month. Tinier by the next. We all will be tiny by the end of this journey. We can do it together. I'm hungry... I'm going to wash my face, take my pills, drink some water and go to bed. Maybe.