October 5 - Little Miss Busy

I've still got about 30 pages to read. No fun. Why is the world doing this to me? Doesn't it realize I don't care? Doesn't it realize I need to devote all of my time and energy to forgetting my past even happened?

Nothing is understanding, except for the hunger in my stomach and the numbers on that scale. I'm not seeing much progress yet, but maybe you guys are. I dunno. I still think I look bloated and ballooned. Anyway, I've got the reading still to do, and I've still got to get ready for school, and I've got to prepare for the day, since I'm fasting, and it keeps going on and on and on... If I weren't such a good student I'd say, "Fuck you!" and run away to join the circus. I'd be a good circus performer. Because circus performers never have to grow up... It's as if they live in a limbo-type of world, not even a real world. In limbo-world it's as if there's nothing missing, they're still in the circus and they'll still be young, and lithe, and beautiful all the time forever. I need Neverland. It's all I want in life. I don't want a boss job as an international librarian. I don't want to get the Hell out of Grand Junction, I just want to think happy thoughts and never have to come to terms with anything other than pirates and the occasional flirtation with mermen. Gotta think happy thoughts. Gotta get into flying condition. Gotta fly home.