This is me. Oh, this is also me with short hair. I was a zombie librarian. A damn hot zombie librarian. Oh! And I've also discovered that the family computer has a card-reader in it, so when I'm alone I can keep uploading pictures of me and my progress. Yay!

Am I a bad blogger? Please, be harsh and honest. Am I not as supportive as I need to be? Because trust me, I can be more supportive. I can be as supportive as 4 table legs, if need be. I just wanted to know. I love you all very, very, very much. Even those of you I just started to follow and comment on. All of this community as a whole means the world to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So, dig or diss the short hair?

The Scale

The scale read 125.5 pounds this morning. That's bullshit! I'm working my ass off and it's still not enough! I didn't even hardly eat yesterday. This isn't fair. This isn't right! I need to work harder. Much harder. November will be my chance. It's my birthday month. It's a new start. I will get to wear pretty clothes this month. I will finally be one of those pretty girls. I will wash my face all the time. I will SHOWER, damnit! I will grow out my hair again, because I feel like a boy and I love the scraggly model-hair look. Three years, it'll take to get it there, but I'm willing.

I feel like a big fat failure, but that's okay, because I'll be fine this next month. I'll have one of those glorious before-after stories. So will all of us. I have faith in all of us. Love always, Maria.

Watching Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Never seen it before all the way through. Jealous of skinny people... Love ya!

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow's Halloween! Know what that means? It means fasting today. I'm going to fast today and all day tomorrow until dinnertime. So I can have a treat. I've gained weight. This is not okay. So, what I need to do is work out more. Merely not eating enough will not cut it for me, aparently. I hopped on the bike for MORE than 10 minutes, which was impressive to me, but 10 minutes will not be enough. I need to walk every single day. I need to ride the bike 5 more minutes than I did yesterday. We'll count today as 10. Tomorrow's 15. Got it, Maria? yes. i've got it. I'm starting to become less and less normal, I'm realizing. It's like whether or not I'm eating is the only thing I think about these days. Is that normal? Is that okay? I don't mind, it just scares me. Do I have a problem? I don't want it to be a problem, I want it to be beauty. I've decided that it is beauty. I don't have a problem, I have beauty. I have beauty looking towards the future. I can do it. I can do it! I'll lose a pound today!

At rehearsla for Annie. I feel like such a fatty! It's rediculous! I can't go on this way. No way, no how. My body is all I can think about. It's scary...

Helloooo, hipbones!

I woke up this morning, greeted by an old friend. Her name is hipbones. She can be a real bitch at times, but today she was kind, and decided to come 'round again. It feels like forever ago that I've seen them like this. I wish I could show you guys. I also wish I could weigh myself, so I know where I'm at currently. But, alas, I can do neither. I will later, though, meaning I can have nothing to eat or drink until then. Maybe I'll just hop up on my grandmother's old school scale and take a peek. It's not entirely inaccurate...

School. Fuck. School in an hour. No bueno.

Aaaaand Halloween coming up this weekend. I still don't have a costume figured out. I went out to Goodwill last night and bought a cheap knee-length plaid skirt and dress shirt, for an undead school marm, but I don't know how well that'll go over with the parents. Mainly just my mother. She's really weird about Halloween. I either have to be something cute, or sweet, or way, way tame. Never anything scary. But she knows how much I adore zombies... Maybe she'll allow it? In any case, I'm goint to buy the fake blood anyway, because I probably need some just lying around. J'adore les zombies.

Models

FTV. Also known as Fashion Television. I miss working out while watching it. I can't work out anymore, and I don't know why. I used to always be able to do hours on the bike, and now I can barely do 15 minutes. It's no bueno! As in, very no good! Unacceptable. No more food, mkaaaay missy? You're doing well, now all you need to do is do better. Lose more weight. As soon as I hit 117 again, I get a big prize for myself. It'll mean that I'm back on track. I'm close. Although, I'm a little scared to fast for another day. Last time I got way, way sick. Help? Does that happen to you guys? I felt the fasting high, but the sickness felt so much different from the high. Goodnight, ladies. Let's be less fat than today, tomorrow!

Needs and Wants

I need to sleep.
I want to do well on the test tomorrow.
I need listen to Angels and Demons.
I want to sleep.
I need to be thin.
I want to be perfect.

See? Contradictions. Except for the last two. Those have no overlap. They are one and the same. They are the only things that make sense. Don't you see? Things have to be this way. They have to be. This haircut bothers me. I need things looooooong and wavy again. Like all those models... Long, scraggly hair. It makes you look longer. I'm going to snuggle in, and relax. I'll wake up at 5 and listen to the last disk of Angels and Demons before school. I need the rest. If I fail the test, I fail the test. That's the long and short of it.

I wish I had something to snuggle with. Like a person. I hate being lonely like this. I don't want to grow up and have random sex with random people. I don't even want to get married. I'll be happy if I simply have somebody to snuggle with. Wow... TMI much? Sorry. Be strong, ladies. We've all got sunshine in bags around our necks, waiting to be released.

Experimenting with mobile updates. So I can post at school! Yay!

Testing, 123...

I missed a major novel test this morning in my Humanities class. I'm fucked if she won't let me make it up. I threw up when I was in the shower this morning (not on purpose, though that's a good idea...) and I almost passed out from being light-headed, so I decided to not go to my morning classes and stay home. I also decided it wouldn't be healthy for me to fast today, so I ate here and there and everywhere. Things just haven't been the same since I was hospitalized. My control's slowly but surely coming back, but my stress level is skyrocketing and it's nearly impossible to control a hopping hare flying through the air on fire, like I am right now. I've got so much due... I've got so many teacher-student relationships fucked up already. Why can't I just be honest with my Honors Comp teacher when she asks me if I'm okay? NO, I'm NOT okay! YES, I DO need to have a later due date on that assignment. Why? Because school is running me into a fucking brick wall and the only way out is to starve, but I can't starve if I'm a little rabbit, now, can I? No, I can't. No sir. And then there's my mother. I can hear her now... "You weren't really sick today, now, were you?" Yes, mother. I was sick as a dog. I can't stand people right now. I can't sleep, because I have to work. But I need to sleep. I NEED SLEEP! I need rest. I need a break!

Peter Pan

Miss Amanda, you're correct. I will become my OWN Peter Pan. I will never grow up. I refuse to. It's just not an option for me. I'll go to college and maybe get married someday, but I'll never grow up. I'll never have womanly curves. Don't wanna, can't make me. I'll shrink and shrink and shrink until I'm a perfect little girl again. I never got the chance to be little. Finally, it's time for me. The timing is always right, and right now, it's right.

I'm listening to Angels and Demons on tape right now... I hate this book, but I have a test over it in about, let's see... 3 and a half hours. It's 50 questions over all 700 pages. I'm fucked. I've read it and listened to it one time before this, but I figured I'd better do it again. I hope I can finish... I should have done it last night, but I didn't, so I went to bed at 11, woke up at 3 and have been listening for an hour. Ugh... I need sleep. Yay! I need sleep. I like saying it, because I am not saying "I need food". Because I don't! Double yay. I'm being awfully immature this morning... Ah, well. Who needs maturity, anyway?

Lucky 13

13 followers. It's strange to have people interested in what you have to say, you know?

I broke my 24-hour fast with some ice cream, and I've lost 1/2 a pound today. I feel amazing. I'm on a lack-of-food induced high. Tomorrow's going to be another 24 hours. I like this feeling. A nother half pound tomorrow? Maybe. 1/2 pound a day is good progress.

I'm not working towards anything anymore, weight-wise... I mean, my goals are still in place, but...but... my school can't get the rights to do Peter Pan. When I found out this evening, I almost died. It was the role of a lifetime, and now it won't even be a possibility for me until 2012. I cut off my hair for nothing. And I could have found out 2 months ago, but the rights company just told us. It's secret info at the moment, but soon the other kids will find out. I wonder what other show we're going to do...

I need to lose this weight. I wanna be fairy-skinny, you know? With all those lovely bones. I'm getting some of mine back, slowly but surely.

Again, I'm fasting again tomorrow. Wish me luck!

That one assignment is totally getting me down. I mean, if it were a smaller one, I'd totally just blow it off. But it's the intro to a 10-page research paper (which I'm also not looking forward to, simply because of how stupid the assignment is). This is no fun. I should just stop taking honors classes, because I know I can't handle the workload. I'm intillectually smart enough, and that isn't the problem, it's the work. I have no desire to do it. none at all.

What I do have a desire to do is fast. I've got my notebooks all set up for today, ready to go. This is going to be fun. Especially when I step on the scale. There's no way I can get back to 120, and I can only go down. I'm so close! And I've got until December. Lower goal? We'll see when we get there.

To all of you ladies who are fasting today, much love and good luck! I know you've got this. You've got power, and all you have to do is take it. Hunger is power.

Slowly Catching Up

There's one assignment I can't do. I just can't bring myself to do it. But other than that, I was good and I read my Dante, and I wrote a paragraph on anorexia and how it's being diagnosed, and I listened to part of Angels and Demons. And I'm not finished because I can't get that one damn assignment done! Why is this so hard? it isn't, that's why... Why can't I do this? because you say you can't. thin is strong. empty is perfection. be perfect. Jesus told his disciples to be perfect. be perfect.

There's been this hissing in my head these past couple weeks. Whatever I say to myself, it just keeps hissing. I'm not hearing voices (anymore), but I feel like my head's an ocean of sea creatures, all swimming around and wanting to voice their piece. My head space swims. Pretty damn talented head space, if you ask me...

The fast begins tomorrow. Anybody want to join us? Just fasting up until Halloween, so we can be beautiful and lovely and perfect thin. So we can love ourselves again.

To Stick Thin: I took my medies like a good girly! I swears. Now I'm just waiting for the drowsine...*conk* *snore* Goodnight all!

Falling Behind.

I'm falling so far behind in school. I need more control in all aspects of my life, I'm starting to discover. I felt like killing myself again today because of it... and I've got some nasty fingernail cuts on the back of my hand. Ouch. I also need to take my meds on time and regularly (which I haven't been).

I've decided to join in on Athanasy's Halloween fast! Yay. Check out her blog, she does amazing things. My rules are I'm allowed to eat 3 bites of the sides at dinner and as much as I have to of the main until I can feed it to the dog. Unlimited diet soda, coffee and tea, 2 juice boxes a day, and some broth if I need. I won't need XD

I'm back down on the weight front! 118 is the official weight I'm going off of, starting the fast tonight. I'll go as long as I can up until Halloween, upon which I will trick-or-treat, give half of my candy to my sister, and eat a little and stash the rest away in my food box. My food box makes me feel strong, because I could binge on the sweets inside, but I won't. Because I'm a good little girl. Be good little girls for me, okay? Better yet, be good little girls for yourselves.

My Head Feels Cold...

...and it feels great. With my hair so short, I can feel everything. It's all so tingly.

Today was over the goal, but by 100 calories, that's better than I expected.

I've got school tomorrow. Ugh! I hate school! I'd rather just frolick in the outside! Away from all the food I've got to avoid! But I really do hate school. I love to learn, but school is freaking unbearable. I wonder what people are going to say about my hair... Will they call me a dyke again? People already think I'm a lesbian. Why, oh WHY did I cut it off??? I make bad decisions.

There's this guy. There's always a guy... We'll call him M. M used to talk about himself a lot, but he's gotten better. He drove me home (with 5 other people in the car. 7 total), and I sat in the front seat. We talked about the White Stripes. I suck at flirting. But I'm going to have this one. I WILL. I'll be thin and I'll learn how to flirt. It's a skill. A skill I never developed. High time. We have good conversation. Good conversation + a wink here and there = dinner sometime?

I'm Back

I've decided to start blogging again, because I'm not losing any weight. I lose weight when I blog. I need to blog, because I need to lose weight. I need to be perfect.

Things haven't been great. I've been eating normally (accompanied by mass amounts of guilt. but I can't help myself). I'm always feeling guilty, because I'm always eating meals. I'm sick of feeling this guilt. I need to fly! I need to feel beautiful! I need to be beautiful. I just cut off all of my hair yesterday. I look like Carrie Mulligan. Except for the acne. And the fat. I cut my hair as encouragement. I don't fit my haircut yet, and I will once I clear up my face and lose some weight. However much it takes, I'll lose it. It's working so far. I've washed my face morning, noon and night and have had little to eat today. No more than 900 calories today, mkaaaaay missy? 900 calories... I know that's below starvation level, but it seems like so freaking much! I've lost all of my restricting power and I desperately need it back. I'll start at fat-person level (900) and slowly get myself back down to where I was when I weighed 113 pounds (300).

Auditions for Peter Pan are on December 6th. I have theater-lust for the opportunity to play Peter. How do I get there?

1. cut my hair (done)
2. weigh 110 pounds (or less)
3. find an audition monologue (hard)
4. find an audition song (harder)

Losing weight isn't hard. All it takes is a little chutzpa and will-power, because as I've discovered, the easiest way to lose weight is to stop eating. I need to be beautiful again... I want to be a lovely 113. So close to 110. So close to 100... It's time to start over.

B - special k - 110

- milk - 85

- yogurt - 180

L - bread - 180

- cheese - 70

I also need to start writing in that journal again, because it helped me when I was at school to focus on why I can't binge. I binged a lot less when I journaled. And I ate a lot less when I blogged... I'm sorry for leaving you girls for so long. I thought I could focus if I were on my own. But, I was wrong. And I'm sorry. I don't want to fail you girls. You all mean so much to me, okay? I've caught up on your blogs, and you're such inspirations to me. I can completely relate. Take care. I'll write again later tonight.

Abstain

I have decided that I will not post a single thing until I reach magic number 117, which will signify that I have gotten back on track. I have fallen severely off the wagon. I binge all day, every day. This is not okay. Punnishable by Blogger death. I love every single one of you, but I need to put my nose down to the grindstone and get moving. I'm messing myself up. What I'm doing is not okay. I need to be pretty. I need to be perfect.

October 7, Little Miss Calamity

No pictures today, either!!! I weigh 118 pounds. I'm excited to see that 7. Yay!

Ugh... I'm so weird. I love the smell of weed. Correction:I love the smell of weed on boys. You know, that smell that kind of smells like dank fabric softener? I love it... I just want to snuggle up to it. I'm completely straight edge. I don't even drink coffee anymore. But I love the smell. There's this boy who sits next to me in French. We'll call him E. We had a standardized test yesterday, and E was completely stoned. Like, stoned out of his mind, which was weird, because I didn't think he smoked. He always seemed like a good kid. Anyway, he was stoned out of his mind, and when I saw him in French he smelled amazing. I wanted to just jump into his arms. Obviously I didn't. Duh. But I wanted to. J used to smell the same way, although the attraction wasn't as strong because he wasn't as cute as E is.

I'm just ranting right now. I'm so sexually frustrated currently without any outlet for it. Something needs to happen. Something. Anything. Sex takes my mind off of food. Food is the enemy. Today I was good about food. I treated myself a little, but I was good. Orange juice and dinner. Except I ate dinner early and drank 2 glasses of orange juice. I hope the rest of you are doing as well. We're going to drop this weight. We're gonna be pretty! Yay!

No Good. No Good.

My day was fine, but I'm pissed. I'm pissed about the fact that the power cord to my laptop has died completely. There's nothing I can do about it, either, so I just have to wait until I can get another one. So, what that means, girlies, is that I will not be posting any more pictures until then. Ugh!!! I'll still take them, and when I get the cord I'll post a huge spread.

I had a banana for breakfast, snacked a little bit, and then made myself a smoothie with a banana, strawberry yogurt, and orange juice. Very tasty! I miss having friends... I miss going out with people, and I miss being loved. I want to flirt. I want to find the guy. Any guy. I need affection. My parents are going out of town this weekend. I'm going to have the ex spend the night. I need affection, and he still wants me. It's not in my nature to take advantage of people, so I won't take advantage of him. It's not my intention to take advantage of him. I do still love him... But I want to move on. But I also want him in my bed. I'm so confused. My body is no longer my body. It won't be mine until it is perfect. I will only accept the best.

October 6, Little Miss Busy-Body

Hella fast lightning post! I'm running late for school. I broke yeserday's fast too early, but it's okay. I got the basic idea and it felt good. I'm going to weigh in tomorrow with you, Lola. No worries. You'll be fine. Take a walk today, or something. No pictures this morning, I don't have time. I don't ever have time for anything when I wake up late. I love you all. Every single blog I follow, I read. I promise. And I love every one of you ladies. Have a great day!!! Banana and a smoothie for me today. Yay!

October 5 - Little Miss Busy

I've still got about 30 pages to read. No fun. Why is the world doing this to me? Doesn't it realize I don't care? Doesn't it realize I need to devote all of my time and energy to forgetting my past even happened?

Nothing is understanding, except for the hunger in my stomach and the numbers on that scale. I'm not seeing much progress yet, but maybe you guys are. I dunno. I still think I look bloated and ballooned. Anyway, I've got the reading still to do, and I've still got to get ready for school, and I've got to prepare for the day, since I'm fasting, and it keeps going on and on and on... If I weren't such a good student I'd say, "Fuck you!" and run away to join the circus. I'd be a good circus performer. Because circus performers never have to grow up... It's as if they live in a limbo-type of world, not even a real world. In limbo-world it's as if there's nothing missing, they're still in the circus and they'll still be young, and lithe, and beautiful all the time forever. I need Neverland. It's all I want in life. I don't want a boss job as an international librarian. I don't want to get the Hell out of Grand Junction, I just want to think happy thoughts and never have to come to terms with anything other than pirates and the occasional flirtation with mermen. Gotta think happy thoughts. Gotta get into flying condition. Gotta fly home.

Break Time

My computer cable's wires are frayed and exposed. If I tilk them the wrong way, my computer shuts off. Fuck me. I'm writing a quickie about today, seeing as though it's almost 11 and I've still got 40 more pages to read. Starting to hate this book... Ugh. Today was a good day, food-wise, but a bad day all other ways. The girl who molested me has stained my life. Completely stained it. And I want to change schools, but my parents want to make a case for bullying against her. They'll never get one. She doesn't bully me so much as do every single activity simply so I can't. And make eye contact with me in the halls. And just be a generally ugly person. I hate being alive because of her. And I hate being alive because of her because of my parents. I wish I never had to see any of them ever again. Life would be managable if I changed school and never had to see her again. Life would be even more managable if my parents didn't need as much explaination as they're requesting.

I need a break from everything, and I know I'll never get one. I'm in this for life, baby, with no time to escape. It's always, GO GO GO. I don't think people realize that I have no time to just sit down and listen to music anymore. It only adds to the misery. I weigh 118 pounds. They're coming off. Now I just can't screw it up. Never again will I be 122. Time to read...

October 4. Time to Get Smart.

I'm going to run out of time on posting this one, so I'll have to do a half-assed post, which pisses me off! Urggghhh!!! No bueno. Stupid school. Anyway, I have a feeling today's going to be a great day, because I love almonds, and I really do have a lot of schoolwork to do. Like, a ton. I have an entire half of a book to read by tomorrow. At least it's a good book! My Name is Asher Lev. Ever hear of it? Pretty decent read.

Okay, so I'm a little worried about school today. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep up on that research paper. I haven't gotten any resources yet. I'm going to be okay... I'm going to be okay... I can't get myself worked up like this. Those are the times that I'm most likely to try and kill myself. Please excuse the lack of pants in the pictures below. I'm wearing a dress today, and I didn't feel like wasting a pair. Look at those awful legs... I know what you're thinking, ladies, "How can those possibly fit into a size 3?" I know. They're disgusting. But that'll all change, mkay? With the help of all of you guys, that can change. We can work together to become perfect. I do see some hipbones, though... Yay!

After the Partay

Wow. Pretty decent day. Wasn't even hungry! I mean, I munched a little (like, a nibble of cheese here, a single meatball, 1 mini-Twix, a couple of mini-Snickers, the cereal this morning...), but I didn't eat a meal and I ate my fill of blueberries and had a smoothie. I had a tiny carton of blueberries (they were fucking 5 bucks!), and my stepfather made a smoothie this morning with mixed berries, so I had that about an hour ago. Tomorrow's Little Miss Brainy's day to shine, so I eat almonds, read a shit-ton, and get some of this research project out of the way. Ugh... My honors comp class has assigned this research paper where we research a time period and write a narrative about us giving them a gift. My topic is Rome before the fall. We have to use all book resources. I have no time to go to the library, and even if I did my library card's fucked. I don't know what I'm going to do! We have 40 notecards due in a week. I'm screwed.

I just bought the demo for The Summer Soundtrack off of iTunes. I never buy off of iTunes, but whatever. I want to support them. You know what's crazy? I don't think I'm losing weight yet. I don't think I'm giving my body enough of a deficite. No good. That must change, and fast, before this month is over. I will not give in to the desires of my stomach. I will have control of my body and fuck it into submission. My size 3's will fit like my size 7's by November. I swear it.

October 3rd - Little Miss Bossy

To Peri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! So funny! No pennance, just laughter!

She's blue. And round. And berry-like. Therefore, today I eat blueberries and a mixed berry smoothie. I already asked mumsy if we could get blueberries, so now I don't even have to be sneaky! Yay.

The show last night was amazing, even though I wasn't as active as I usually am. The t-shirt I'm wearing in that picture is from a band called The Summer Soundtrack. They were so kind, and sweet. There were so many cute guys, it was rediculous! I'm gonna sound like a whore, but I would have slept with half of them. Incredible amounts of yum. I didn't get any pictures to post for you, but take my word on it. I wasn't as active as I usually am at shows, because there were no breakdowns during which time we're supposed to mosh! Let's just say that I'm a petite mosh warrior. It's what I live for. I love nothing more than to mosh. It's the greatst form of group therapy that anybody's ever experienced. Regardless of how much I love it, we didn't get to do it last night, and it hindered my calorie-burning experience. Ah, well.

I won't lie. I had a bowl of generic-brand Captain Crunch this morning. I guess the Crunch Berries count as berries? Or not. Tee hee! My sister's having a birthday party today, and I have to come up with a scavenger hunt for her and her little friends. I think it'll be fun! I'm trying to think of clues, though... I'm not going to have them go any farther than the schoolyard across the street from our house, but even that can yield some fun.

Following up!

Today has been successful! I've gotten tons of vitamins from my orange juices and haven't binged. This morning I grazed about 100 calories, went off to meet Toro, ate lunch with our friends and her family, shopped, my parents picked me up and then we went to dinner. I had cereal and saltine crackers this morning, pizza at lunch (they didn't order a salad, so we didn't have any), a teenie bite of ice cream while we shopped, and a bowl of fruit at dinner (we went to iHop). I can't help but nibble when I'm bored.
Things That Went Well (as per my theme today):

• I didn't binge this morning, even though I wanted to, and I had orange juice.
• The pizza I ate was my only meal today, and I'm going to a concert tonight, so all the calories will go away, anyway.
• I didn't seem weird food-wise while we shopped.
• I turned a 330 calorie fruit and yogurt bowl into a 130 calorie fruit and yogurt bowl by not eating the yogurt. It was a freaking strawberry Go-Gurt, for crying out loud! Of course I wasn't going to eat that. And I didn't eat all the fruit. Proud! And, I had orange juice.

Pretty good day, if you ask me! And once I burn off all the pizza calories tonight at the show it'll be even better. Tomorrow's gonna be easy. I'll buy a carton of blueberries and a smoothie in the morning, and be able to skip dinner, because my sister's having a dinner party for her friends! Perfect!!! Can't wait. I love you all, my petals.

Oh! And Lola, you're awesome. Thank you for the reassurance about the pizza.

October 2nd: The Test

Yesterday? Bomb. I fasted until dinnertime, at which point I ate little. We weren't going to have cake, so I decided to eat a mite of dinner. Yes, weird photo. I know. But I use it because I was so surprised that I haven't gained any weight and that I've stayed even at 119.5 for a while. Makes me happy. I'm so proud of myself. Now all I have to do is continue to restrict and restrict and restrict until the photos I post up here start looking better. A blog a day keeps 120 pounds away. I don't ever want to see that on the scale again. I feel so awful when I see it. Therefore, I will not see it. See? Simple decision making skills. My step-father's mother is in town. She's incredibly fat! I kid you not, this woman is like a powder-blue whale. That's really rude of me to say... but I have to remind myself that I can't be like her. Ever. I want to be young forever. I never want to grow up... I love myself the way I am, and what I don't love I can change. Sound fair? yes. very fair.

So, I'm going shopping with some friends for one of their birthdays. I'll take pictures. But anyway, we're meeting up for lunch downtown first, and I'm scared. We're going to my favorite pizza place. I mean, they've got salad, but I love the pizza there... Simply love it. More than any other food on earth. What do I do? Do I order an orange juice and water, drink as much as I can and then nibble on one slice? Do I eat the pizza and nothing else all day? That would be breaking the rules, since today is Little Miss All-Goes-Well day.

Today is carrots and oranges. Not pizza. I'm going to just get the salad and nibble on the pizza. It sounds safe. I'm excited to go shopping, though. It sounds like so much fun, and these girls are amazing. I'm surprised they remembered to ask me. Usually people forget that I'm alive when it comes to fun things.

Wish me luck today. I'll need it a lot. I love and miss all of you lovelies. Continue on your journeys! It's so worth it in the end.

October 1st: The First Moments

I'm so jazzed for this. I've decided to monitor my progress through photos all month. Today's Little Miss Birthday day, so it means fasting by day, birthday cake by night. I can totally do that. I'll start by brushing my teeth, so I don't want anything for breakfast, and then carry large amounts of gum for the rest of the day. After school is going to be the hardest for me. I'll have to be strategic. We are all going to do so well, it's not even funny. This is why we're here! We're here to be tiny, strong woman-warriors, and that's what this process is going to do. Stay strong, ladies. Please. The dissappointment wouldn't be worth it. We can do this. Fill our bodies with metaphors and books. Knowledge. Let nothing stand in our way from being perfect.

These are my legs from the side. See the weird S thing I talked about in my first blog entry ever? You can see it here.

My stomach. Not a big deal, it just makes me feel all womanly! I hate feeling like a woman, or that I'll have to become a woman one day. I really do. Heh, that's my GWAR t-shirt... It makes me feel like a teenage boy.

My tummy from the side. Lumpy, bumpy, no bueno-ness. You can also see my replacement red bracelet in this one. I miss my old one!!!